And here...we... gooo

Well... my first blog. I thought this would help me to arrange my thoughts in a better manner and help clear out some of the shit cluttering my brain. 

I guess what started it all was, a horrible realisation that dawn on me today at work. It's something that's always been there and that I've always known, but it's more like, the pieces came together... very clearly. I'm glad I had this realisation. It's a step closer in regaining myself, my heatlh and my happiness again. 

To start from the beginning. I work in retail and I fucking hate it. I've been in it over five years. I never wanted to be in it but I had no choice. I hate the corporate world. And I really fucking hate this corporation I'm working for now. But, it's getting to the point where I can feel it changing me and how I am. Not just mental, but physically. Seems like I'm sick all the time and it's all because of the depression and anxiety caused by this job. And when I'm like that.. I can't eat. I can't keep anything down. The most I had today... half a bagel. That was at 7 am... it's now nearly 5 pm. Not good.    

So, I'm not cool with. I worked hard on who and what I am and I'll be damned if anyone or anything is gonna change that.
This list is what hit home the most. What really set it in stone...



12 Signs it is REALLY Time to Leave Your Job

I experience at least nine of those things listed. And it's all true. I KNOW I'd be a lot happier if I was out of there. Problem is, I do not want another retail job. Fuck the corporate world altogether! But, unfortunately, with the world today, it revolves around money. On the plus side, I have a skill to help me....

I sew and design, anything and everything. Clothing, costumes, plushies, pillows, quilts, anything my twisted brain can conjure up. I have a diploma in Interior Design. But in this day and age, companies and employers want you to have the highest degrees possible just to do jobs. This is BULLSHIT! They don't care about your skills. They won't even look at your portfolio if youdon't have a degree. What the fuck?! When did this shit get so complicated?! What happened to the times when experience was more valued then a stupid piece of paper that says, "I'm thousands of dollars in debt and I wasted 2-4 years doing essays and have my ass stuck in a chair with my nose in a book." I just don't get it! But I digress...

So, I have a few ideas I hope will put me on the right track to achieve my goals... In no particular order....


1) Get more clothing and costumes made for an online portfolio.

2) Start making little things and selling them on Etsy.

3) Getting more commissioned work. 

4) Start figuring out what aspect of sewing I enjoy most and go with that. 

5) Make connections.

6) Get an adjustable dress form.

That is all I can think of right now. Baby steps. I'm not looking to become a world famous designer or anything. I just wanna be happy doing my thing and be able to support myself doing it. The biggest thing that needs to be done now though. Is get the fuck out of that job so I can be healthy and happy again. No shitty dead end job is worth it. That is gonna be a biggest weight off my shoulders and hopefully, everything else will fall into place. Other problem, it's gonna be a while before I can start make a decent living off the sewing. And for the sake of my health and well-being... I can't stay there any longer. I've sucked it up and bared with it for over 5 years. Enough is enough. My breaking point is now. So the biggest obstacle now is, if I can't make a decent living off the sewing yet, and I can't stay at my job... what do I do?